thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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