her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
