How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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