youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
