he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
