Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
