some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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