chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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