Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
