just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
