How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
