I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
