Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
