If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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