He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
