I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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