Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
