So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
