you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
