Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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