i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
