You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
