it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
