I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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