OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
