dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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