He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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