I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
