i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
