He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
