What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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