i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
