Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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