i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All the doctor said was why
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
