Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
