True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
