he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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