Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
