My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who died my cat blue again?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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