I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My vagina just recognized that song.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
