I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
