the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
