I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
