Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
