i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
no, he came in my armpit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
