I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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