I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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