I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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