do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
