a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
