just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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