I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
